I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
