Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
PANTIES FOUND
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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