Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
