So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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