There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
