Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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