i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
