the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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