Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
