Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize