the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
