you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
