Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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