My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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