I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize