I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
