so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm passing your future prison.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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