morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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