I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize