Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
