well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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