If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
