I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the condom got lost in my hair
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
