I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize