Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
