I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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