You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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