I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
