guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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