I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
