could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
