Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
