so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
