Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
