Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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