i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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