Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
