I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
