i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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