He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
