Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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