I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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