I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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