where am i from again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize