the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
