I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
