I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
