Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
