her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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