I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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