I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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