You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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