I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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