I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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