the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
