Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
