just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
