He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
