i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
