So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the day after is always just damage control
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
