I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
