actually, I'm a sock model
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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