Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
