Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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