have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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