I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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