so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize