he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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