making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
