if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
