By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
