if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
