my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
