ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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