i can't believe i had my finger in that
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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