I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
