i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
