my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
