So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
