Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize