In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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