In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
