your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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