if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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