i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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