i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
