Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
