An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
