she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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