I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
