Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She said her name was "party"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
