smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
