Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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