I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
