good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
