Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
