Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.

Fav 18 907 2851
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(720): View more from Colorado

Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

Fav 121 7956 2000
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(703): View more from Virginia

i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...

Fav 29 3826 2054
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.

Fav 26 3828 1223
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout

Fav 11 6508 765
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(228): View more from Mississippi

I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

Fav 50 10895 1277
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(416): View more from Toronto

Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

Fav 8 1468 4261
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(330): View more from Ohio

I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life

Fav 2 1176 679
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(207): View more from Maine

I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.

Fav 2 13 31
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