I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
