get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
