Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
