the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize