Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
