Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
