I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
