So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize