Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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