she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
