PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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