So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
